Monday, September 13, 2010

She called me a mighty woman of God

Last night, after debating with myself about whether or not I, at the ripe old age of 27, was too old to go youth/young adults gathering at church (which in itself is a whole other post) I found myself standing on the deck eating too much sugar while mingling with new friends having a lovely time. Out of the corner of my eye I saw one of the adorable girls that is in my evening college group. At some point we made our way with our respective friends to the same place; where there are hugs, greetings and the usual commotion that happens when a group of girls get together. Then in the middle of the introductions and hello's my adorable young friend proudly introduces me to another one of her friends as "A mighty woman of God".. in my head the music stops, the voices around me fade into silence and the ground under my feet spins as the words "mighty woman of God" echo in my head... those words are still echoing in my head today and I don't quite know what to do with them..

I feel honoured that she thinks of me that way and it is the most amazing complement that anyone has ever given me, I mean my girlfriends and I talk about becoming mighty women of God but to actually be called one is weird, awesome and lovely but weird. I guess am shocked because I see myself stumbling along this faith journey making mistakes but taking steps to try to learn and grow and walk with God, I see a girl learning to be a woman of God but I don't see a mighty woman of God. The idea of being called one sits awkwardly in my spirit.

Obviously this label doesn't change who I am and I know that we should not define ourselves by labels, particularly labels that others have placed on us but that doesn't change the fact that those four words are out there describing me and for some reason they don't feel comfortable attached to me. I'm curious by that and by my reaction.

I feel like I did when I was little and I would wear my mum's high heels and stumble down the hallway, they didn't quite fit but I so desperately wanted to wear them and walk confidently in them. Trying on the label "mighty woman of God" feels like I'm trying on something that is not me right now, something that I might one day grow into, something in the future, something far away. It feels like it belongs to someone else but now here it is and it is attached to me and.. what now?

I am confused. Does this mean that I am closer to becoming the kind of woman I want to be or dare I say it that in some respects I am her? Does this change the way I see myself when I look into the mirror? Does it change some of the not so nice labels I use for myself? Does it encourage me to live my life better? But most importantly why do I find it so difficult to accept that someone in my world thinks of me like this?  Why is it so hard for me to believe that perhaps I am living in a way that inspires someone else? I find inspiration from simple, everyday things and from most of the people in my life so why wouldn't I be able to inspire someone else.

I guess my prayer for this post is a selfish one, I pray that I find peace with this label, that I wear it for a few days and that I use it to encourage me to step up and into being this "mighty woman of God". For those of you struggling to see yourselves through the eyes of the people that love you, I pray that you will take a day to try on the nice things they say about you and to see if you can get comfortable in being the person that they love xx

1 comment:

  1. This is exactly what I need to do. God bless you for sharing your testimony!