Thursday, September 23, 2010

Old wounds need healing

You think that by now I would realise that God knows best. That by now I would be used to him taking my deepest thoughts, raising them to the surface (through all the hurt and pain that I had piled over top in order to bury them so deep) and helping me examine them. You would think that by now I would not be surprised when he dredges up old wounds in a bid to help me understand the wound so that he can heal it. It's something that he does so regularly that you would think by now I would get it but I don't.

I am still surprised by the things that get raised to the surface, things that I thought I had dealt with, things that I thought I was ok with but then when he shows them to me I realise that I am not ok. When I examine these moments in the light of his presence, when we look together at the decision that was made in response to the situation and the way that decisions has shaped my life, in that moment I am undone. When I look at my reaction and the way it has shaped my world, the way it has invited pain into my life.. I am amazed. Life happens and I get that but I find myself continually learning that the choices I have made when life happens those choices define me. They define the way I feel about myself, the way I feel about others, the way I feel about my past, the way I feel about my future, the way I feel about love.

As I walk on this journey with God and he shows me these choices I continue to be amazed at how a small decision that I made, sometimes as a child, has so dramatically defined my life. How I have taken those decisions and built on them, never questioning, always building and sometimes I discover that I have piled so much on top of it that I don't even remember what the first decision looks like.

I think this is something that we all do and I wonder if we took the time to examine the beliefs we hold as true, if we took a moment to look at them to question where they came from, to see how they had shaped our lives.. I wonder how many of them would still be true. I wonder how many of them we would keep? I wonder how many of them we would change? I wonder if we would feel differently about ourselves and our capacity to give and receive love?

I pray that this week we take a moment to allow God to step in and bring to the surface defining moments in our lives and that in that moment we allow him to show us how that moment has shaped and changed us, to allow him to heal us xx

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