Sunday, August 8, 2010

A different kind of season

This year has been an amazing fruitful year, I have loved every moment of it :) I made a commitment not just to believe in God but to walk with God, my walk so far has been delicious and wonderful and I would not change a single moment. Sure I have made some difficult decisions about the way I spend my time, my energy, my resources, decisions about what I put into my body, into my mind and the way I choose to nourish my spirit.. I have made big changes! This year had been just about me and my journey and I was loving it but then something happened, my life entered a new season and suddenly my world got a whole lot more complicated :s

This season is a different kind of season to the one I had become accustomed (well different to the first half of this year), this season requires something new, something I'm not sure I possess, something bigger, stronger and more mature than me.. I don't know how to navigate this space. I am lost. I am currently in a place where the people I love are hurting (not little hurts but the real earth shattering I'm not going to be the same when I get through this kind of hurting), everywhere I turn I seem to be visiting hospitals or talking to doctors or consoling someone who has just received bad news.. I am trying to be strong but I am exhausted. The world as I know it is suddenly a very, very different place and it requires a different strength to the strength I am used to and I don't know how I do this.

How do I navigate this scary place? How do I remain strong and fighting when all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep until this bad dream goes away? Or to drop to my knees and cry to God because I don't understand this place.. How do I fight in this space? I'm tired, I'm weary, I'm fragile and need to rest but this season is not the season to rest this is the season to fight, I must fight, I have been called to fight. So the question is how do I find the reserves I need to fight? Where do they come from? Where do I turn? Who do I turn to? Where do I start?

The answer to all of these questions is really very simple it's God. I find the reserves I need in Him, I turn to Him and I start with Him. When I face Him and not my situation I see the good He is doing in these situations.

When I look for Him I see the relationships that are being healed, the way that differences are forgotten when people unite, I see the way that old grudges disappear when we need to work together, I see relationships and new kinds of love. I am so thankful for this healing.

When I look for Him I see the people He has placed in my life to help me navigate this season, the people that can be strong for me when I am fragile and weak, the people who can believe for me when the dream seems really far away and the people who love me no matter what. I am so thankful for those people.

When I turn to Him I find a strength deep inside that I didn't know I had, I find words I didn't know I could say and I find a wisdom beyond my emotions.

But most importantly when I turn to Him I have faith in something more than this moment, I have a hope for the future and I have all the love that I could ever need. When I turn to Him I see this season through His eyes and it is with this vision of faith, hope and love that I find the strength I need.

For me this is a different kind of season and it is not easy but I can see the hand of God restoring my world, I see Him working these awful moments for good, for glory and I am thankful for Him. I pray that each of us takes a moment in whatever season we are in, be it good or bad, to look for the good that God is doing in us, in our world and in our loved ones. And when we find the good I pray that we take the time to thank Him for He will use these moments for His will and purpose and His plan is good xx

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