hmm.. space to be Mary

My life has been somewhat crazy since I last blogged on this page, nothing particularly notable or fascinating just very, very full and any writing I have done has been in my journal or other private media. I have spent my weeks having quality time with my family or catching up with old friends or making new friends or taking on exciting projects (the kind that make you pinch yourself). I guess I have just been busy doing that normal living thing we do, the rushing from here to there, joking, laughing, eating and generally enjoying life. My weeks have been great, I have loved every activity and every person that I have shared them with!! I was going along excited/happy/content but then the other day I woke up grumpy for no reason..

Well I guess there was reason.. my house looked like a bomb had exploded, I couldn't remember the last time I had cooked myself something that my body would enjoy eating, the big comfy armchair that I curl up in with a book, my journal or laptop had disappeared under a mammoth pile of clothes - each piece thrown casually on top of the other as I rushed to get ready between the markets and lunch or between coffee and the movies or between.. But worst of all, I couldn't remember the last time I was still. I couldn't remember the last time I had sat and listened to my soul, the last time I had had a peaceful conversation with God. Don't get me wrong I was praying - but it was on the phone to a girlfriend or in the car on the way to or from somewhere or in the shower. I was writing - but again it was on the bus or during a 10 min pocket of time between one activity and the next. Everything I was doing was rushed, multi tasked and involved doing, doing, doing, doing and more doing :s

Need to read Tozer for Theology well how about I download the audio book and listen while I fold washing and discover whether there is still in fact a chair under that pile of clothes. Need to bake muffins for work well I can listen to a sermon while baking and while they are in the oven, I'll wash up oh and hand wash a dress or two and... It was ridiculous. I was ridiculous but I was getting everything done and that's all that matters isn't it??

Then the other night after a long day at work I was listening to a sermon on the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42) while cooking dinner, washing up and texting my girlfriends (yep all that at once don't ask me how I actually heard anything that was preached because that in itself is a miracle). Mark Driscoll was talking about how our culture is all about the Martha, we are about doing, doing and more doing and that we need to ensure that we take time out to just be, to just sit and rest at the feet of Jesus. We need to ensure that we have time to be like Mary..

Something in me clicked and I realised where my grumpiness came from, it wasn't what I had been doing or even the fact that my house looked like a bomb, I was grumpy because I had been so focused on the doing that I had forgotten to just be. I had forgotten the importance of taking some quiet time out for me and because I hadn't taken time for me I was exhausted and each of the things that I loved had become another thing to do on my list. I can honestly say that at the beginning of this week I was looking down a week that looked very similar to last week (and I loved last week, it was awesome!!) but instead of looking forward to all of the things I loved, I was looking at a list of things to do and it scared me.

The things that fill up my week, the things that filled up last week, they are not things to do, they are things that I love, things that make me me! And the people I will see this week, they aren't something to be checked off a list, they are people that I love, people I am blessed to do life with! People I want to give my time and energy to, people I want to get to know! So this morning in a bid to rectify this "doing" mentality and to get some perspective.. I cleared some space, not much just 5 mins in the middle of getting ready just for me and that led to some good writing on the bus and then I slowly sailed into the day and now I am just flowing through it. It's amazing to me that 5 mins to stop and just be at the beginning of my day has allowed me to be present all day.

I pray that as we race towards Christmas and the busiest time of year, we take some time out each day for ourselves, time to be so that we can love and appreciate the blessings we have and give ourselves fully to each and every person and activity xoxo