Clearing the space

I am in the middle of changing my room around, not a mjor change but moving a few things around to try and get better use of the space I have been given. I pulled out my towel rack and laundry basket and carefully swept out the space they were in. I was certain that I cleaned the area, that I had removed all traces of dirt before placing my mirror into the space. During this menial task it dawned on me that I don't put the same care and detail into myself.

Seriously just now I stood back and carefully examined the space where the towel rack had been, I carefully thought through what would work in that space, I surveyed the area, moved the mirror ever so slightly to the right to ensure that it was in the exact spot where it would make my life easier. I realised that I don't do that with me and I wonder if my life would be different if I did.

If I took the time to clear out the space in my mind where my past relationships sit, instead of filling the space by moving onto the next date, what would that look like? If I took the time to rid myself of some of the old wounds, if I opened them up and dug out all of the hurt and the pain, allowed myself to really feel it and in the process cleaned out the space around my heart, would it make my heart easier to get to? Would it make it easier to use? Would the communication channel between my heart and my mind be a little clearer perhaps making it easier for them to be on the same page? And if the space was clear would I be more careful of what I allowed into it?

And what if I took some time to clear my mind of some of the junk. What if I went way into the back of my mind and cleared out some of the old thoughts that sit back there and rear their ugly heads at the most inconvenient time... Would that make the new thoughts easier to access? You see right now my mind is this big old pile of mess with all the new thoughts being piled on top of the old thoughts so that everytime something happens I am sifting through the pile of old and new thoughts trying to pull out the new thoughts and occassionally grabbing an old thought instead.

What would my life look life if my mind was clear of the old thoughts, the destructive self-hate thoughts that stir up ugly emotions? Would I see my life more clearly? If the information I needed to make a decision was easier to access would my decisions be simplier to make? Would I know me better? Would I trust me more? Would the path that has been laid out for me be easier to follow? Would I have more space for more new thoughts :O

What if I sat back and looked really clearly at everything that is in my heart and my mind? What if I looked at these two spaces that I have been given and worked out the best way to use that space? What if I loved me enough to take a moment to sit down and clear out all of the old stuff, if I felt all of the pain long enough to remove it from my life? I know that I can't take it away like it never happened but what if I gave it away because it doesn't work in the here and now. You know like we do with a pair of really cute shoes that hurt our toes, the shoe itself can be given away so that you don't accidently wear it one night and wake up the next day with sore toes. It doesn't change the fact that you once wore the shoe or that when you wore the shoe it hurt your toe or that you really did love the shoe and thought it was really cute and wanted it not to hurt you but it does stop you from wearing the shoe again.

So maybe I could do that with the junk that's in my heart and mind, maybe before I go rushing to fill them I could take some time to clean them out and give away the stuff that doesn't quite fit anymore.. maybe just maybe I could take the time to clear some space in me.

I pray that we take as much pride in ourselves as we do in our homes and really take the time to look at our hearts and minds carefully examining all the stuff that's in them and when we do that we will have the courage to clear out some of the junk and give it to God.