Eyes of fear

So I have that uncomfortable feeling that I get when something big is going to change. My body is stretching and growing, getting ready for _________.  I don't know what it is but I sure can feel it coming. I have this overwhelming sense of clarity in my mind, I feel sharp and alert like my mind is looking for something. My spirit feels peaceful, almost too calm.. like it too is preparing for something.

I can sense this thing and it's right there, it is so close. I feel like if I reached out in front of me I could almost grab it except that I don't know what I'm reaching out to grab. I can sense myself taking steps closer to this thing but for some reason I can't see it. I pray, I write, I try to open my eyes, my heart, my ears! I try to see it but I can't! Something is stopping me from seeing what I need to see and I have this terrible feeling that the thing stopping me is me..

You see I also feel this strange fear wrapped in a blanket of overwhelming doubt. The tape player in my mind begins with the "you are not enough", "you don't know enough", "who do you think you are" and moves on to thoughts of "but I'm not ready", "but I like my life", "I only just feel like I found my groove, I don't want to change". Mostly my mind is just afraid. What if I can't do this? What if I'm not who I think I am? Or worse what if I am who I think I am? What if I am supposed to be more than this? What if I am supposed to make a bigger difference? What if I am destined to be great?

Fear, fear and more fear. I used to be fearless, I used to long to be great, I used to dream big dreams and believe that I could do anything. I used to hunger to be chosen, to do that which I was born to do.. I wonder when that changed.. Did it even change???

Honestly I don't think it changed, I don't think that I went to bed last night one person and woke up today a different person but I did wake up with eyes of fear...

These eyes of fear are blinding me and I can't see my world, I can't see my life and I can't see the change that I so desperately need to make! All I see in this moment is the fear but I want to see so much more.. I want to be in awe of my God and what he's doing in my world but I can't see those things while I'm focusing on the fear. I must look beyond my eyes of fear, I must refuse to focus on the fear, I will not to be in awe of the fear because I refuse to walk around blind for another moment. I am taking off my eyes of fear!

Eyes of fear blind us, when we look at the world with eyes of fear we cannot see anything except the fear. We do not see life or possibility, we cannot even see the opportunity that is right there in front of us waiting for us to grab it. We are blind. Eyes of fear cause us to only see the fear, to be in awe the fear and once the fear has our awe we are paralysed from acting. I pray that we take a moment to recognise the areas of our life where we see with eyes of fear and that we have the courage to look beyond the fear to the opportunities that await us xx